Fourth Round – Finished!

11 August 2011

   I haven’t written much on the blog anymore because I have felt like there was nothing too newsworthy to report about, or what there was wasn’t great news, so I just have avoided it. I have had some feelings this week, and felt like I should maybe share them.  I feel uncomfortable getting too personal – sometimes it feels like I’m writing in a journal, but sharing it with so many – it feels strange.  I’m new to the ‘blog’ world.  Nevertheless, I want to let you know how grateful I am for the myriad of blessings we have received through this challenging time.

   We have sent Tyler’s medical records to a few other children’s hospitals in the United States, hoping that they have a few other options besides chemotherapy to treat Tyler’s type of cancer. Unfortunately, they have all decided that, for one reason or another, he is not a candidate for the procedures they do.  This has been a particularly hard blow to me, who likes to have control of everything, and find someone who can ‘fix it now’.  As a few weeks have gone by, and the sting of being told ‘no’ is gone, I am realizing once again, that I’m not in control.  This situation isn’t a ‘fix it now’ one.  I am learning once again, that if I don’t have faith, I really have nothing.  I know I’ve written about faith in previous posts, and you probably think that I have such great faith – the truth is out – I struggle with faith in the unknown probably more than anyone.  It is a constant effort for me to keep looking forward and trusting in the Lord.  Even though I know I need it, I also know that it does not come naturally or without work.  I am always trying to find quotes, talks, and other things to keep me looking forward.

   I gave the lesson in Relief Society this past Sunday on “Sustaining our Faith in Times of Trial”.  As I was giving the lesson, I read a quote by Elder Richard G. Scott.  “As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.”  As I read it outloud, I felt with new understanding, that I’ve been trying to walk in ‘certainty’ this whole journey.  I have to step into the unknown places and trust that the Lord will guide me through it.  This is what faith is – if I know the outcome and I know what we are getting into, I don’t need faith to get through it. Our family has never been so much “at the boundary of our understanding and into the twilight of uncertainty” before.  It is not a very comfortable place to be!   Elder Scott also said, “The Lord knows your needs.  When you ask with honesty and real intent, He will prompt you to do that which will increase your ability to act in faith.  With consistent practice, faith will become a vibrant, powerful, uplifting, inspiring force in your life.” 

   I am grateful for this new glimpse of knowledge.  As we keep forging through this cancer business, I will try to leave no stone unturned as far as treatments and options for Tyler are concerned, but I will ultimately put this in the Lord’s hands and know that He will put in our path what needs to happen in order for Tyler to fulfill his purposes here.

   As for Tyler, he does not act like a typical cancer patient.  The day he came home from the hospital this week from the fourth round of chemo, he cleaned up and went straight to the golf course for a few hours.  He has been there every day, most all day since.  He made the high school golf team, and plans to golf with them all that he can.  Our home health care nurse says she has never seen a cancer patient who has better blood work than him, stays out of the hospital between chemo treatments, and accomplishes more than him.  Except for his cute little bald head, I don’t think anyone would know he had cancer.  Well, maybe his weight.  🙂  His Uncle Shane said it best – “Seventy-nine pounds of pure fighting machine”.   On Wednesday morning this week, he had been in the bathroom pretty sick.  When he was done, he just poked his head out of the bathroom, smiled and said, “Can I go golfing now?”  The kid is amazing.  He will always be my hero!

   Thank you so much for the prayers!  We know this is why Tyler is able to do all he does.  What a tender mercy to be able to be so active!  If he were to have to stay in his bed all day, I don’t know where we’d be.   His next scan is scheduled for the end of the month, and we are anxiously awaiting great news!  Thanks for your part in his journey!  We couldn’t do it without the legions of prayers that go up in our behalf every day!

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