Faith In God’s Timing

30 June 2012

I have been struggling for weeks about writing a post on this blog…. My mom does such a wonderful job. She’s amazing isn’t she? So I hope those who read this are not too disappointed by my post today, for I already know it will not measure up to previous posts written by my mother. But I have felt as if I need to share my thoughts- maybe for my own sake and healing.

This is Tyler’s sister, Erika. I was blessed with an incredible family. I have kind and loving parents, and three younger brothers who are way cooler than I could ever be. My husband and I have a sweet little boy who brings us so much happiness. We have also been blessed with another child on the way- a little girl who should be arriving any day now. My family means the world to me….. And losing one of them has been hard.
Tyler and I were extremely close. I felt protective of him. Maybe because he was the baby of the family. As he grew older, he became one of my best friends. I think I’ve spent more time at my parents house hanging out with him this past year than I have anywhere else. I would often wake up to a text message that would say, ” Bring Caleb over today (: ”  Oh how I miss that boy and those texts.
Ty was the best uncle…. Caleb adored him and I’m pretty sure he had Ty wrapped around his little finger. Those two were inseparable. Shortly after Caleb’s first birthday, Ty began to ask me when I was going to have another baby….. One of the things I love most about Tyler is that he is not shy in the least….. In true Tyler fashion, asking soon turned into pestering. Every single day I would hear, “Hey Erika, when are you going to have another baby?” I would laugh and tell him it was none of his business!
When Tyler was diagnosed with cancer in May, I knew I would not be having another baby for a while. I needed to focus all of my time and energy into helping Ty beat this disease…. He had to get better first. Of course this didn’t stop Ty from begging me. All summer he continued to ask when he was going to get another nephew or niece…..
As time progressed and our family realized the severity of Tyler’s cancer, I got scared. Our time with Ty was limited…. Deep down I knew this. But I continued to pray for a miracle for Tyler to be healed.
I told my family on Christmas that we were expecting another baby. I wish I could have recorded Tyler’s reaction because it was priceless. Needless to say, he was thrilled and already had a name picked out for us.
My prayers began to change after I was pregnant. Instead of asking Heavenly Father to heal Tyler, I was begging Him to prolong Tyler’s life long enough to see the baby. As Tyler’s health started to decline, my prayers intensified. I cried to my Father in Heaven every morning and night, “Please let Tyler live to see the baby.” I could not even bear the thought of having this baby without Tyler here. Tyler wanted this baby so bad. Surely the Lord would hear my prayers.
One morning, after I had prayed intently to my Heavenly Father, I was overcome with the most overwhelming and peaceful feeling. I could almost hear Heavenly Father tell me that he was listening to my prayers and that all would be well when this baby came. From that moment on, the feeling of uneasiness left me. I knew that everything would be okay in July. I knew that Tyler would be here.
In May, I felt completely blindsided when we got the news that Ty only had a week left. My sweet little brother passed away 8 weeks before the expected arrival of his new niece. He told me before he passed away that he was going to miss Caleb so much and that he was sad that he wouldn’t be able to see the baby. This completely ripped my heart out. Why did I feel so confident that Ty would live to see the baby? Why couldn’t Heavenly Father have given Tyler just a little more time here on Earth? Did he even hear my prayers? I was so heartbroken with not only the loss of my brother, but the thought that this little girl would not know him. Elder Richard G. Scott said, “It is so hard when sincere prayer about something we desire very much is not answered the way we want. It is especially difficult when the Lord answers no to that which is worthy and would give us great joy and happiness. Whether it be overcoming an illness or loneliness, recovery of a wayward child, coping with a handicap,or seeking continuing life for a dear one who is slipping away, it seems so reasonable and so consistent with our happiness to have a favorable answer. It is hard to understand why our exercise of deep and sincere faith from an obedient life does not bring the desired result.”
Tyler’s death was and still is hard for me to understand. Especially the timing….. And I might not fully understand it until the next life when I am reunited with him. I look forward to that day very much.
After Tyler passed, a sweet friend emailed me and told me that although she was very sorry for my loss, she couldn’t help but smile as she thought about Tyler and my sweet baby girl up in Heaven together. How Tyler was preparing her for her mortal stay on Earth and telling her everything she needed to know about the family that awaits her here. This brought me a tremendous amount of comfort and I started to realize that just because my prayers weren’t answered the way I wanted, didn’t mean they weren’t answered. Tyler knows this baby better than any of us realize. After a lot of study and prayer, I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are together right now and that Tyler did indeed “live to see the baby.” Because of the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, all of us will live again. Tyler lives right now. He is strong and healthy and free from the terrible disease that plagued his body here. He is preparing this little girl for her new life on Earth and I’m sure being every bit the doting uncle to her as he was to Caleb.
I am very much looking forward to the arrival of this baby. What a blessing it is for me to bring a little spirit into this world, knowing that she was just in the presence of Tyler and her Heavenly Father. I am still holding on to the confirmation I received that Tyler will be here when she is born. I have a feeling that he is going to be the one to escort her here to me.
Even though Tyler will not be here physically like I prayed for, he WILL be here. I know that in order to have faith in God, I must also have faith in his timing. Someone on the other side must have really needed Tyler for him to leave us so quickly. I have faith that I will someday understand.
Elder Richard G. Scott also said, “I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father. They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will.”
I believe that this new baby is our “packet of spiritual sunlight” and she will help to brighten our lives as we try to adjust to life without Ty. What a special day it will be for our family when she arrives…..

This was the last picture I took of Tyler and Caleb together three days before he passed away.

 

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