Choose Faith

28 June 2011

   This 2nd round of chemotherapy has been much more manageable for Tyler.  With some new meds and maybe a little more ‘savvy’ on his parent’s part, we have all done better this time.  In fact, for the first six days after treatment he seemed to be doing so great. 

   Last Friday and Saturday was our ward’s youth conference and Tyler had been asked to come share his testimony in the morning as they began the conference.  He was very nervous, but knew it was something he needed to do, and had even written some notes on the things he wanted to be sure and remember to say. 

   About two in the morning, Darren and I heard Tyler yell out for us.  We both flew out of bed, running to see what was wrong.  Tyler had become very sick in the night.  He was throwing up and was dizzy, weak, and in pretty bad shape.  Darren and I had to hold him up over the toilet bowl because he was too weak to even hold himself up.  It was extremely hard to watch him struggle, and we were all pretty discouraged.  After about two hours, Darren and Tyler finally fell asleep on the bathroom floor.  I went back and laid in bed and just felt so low.  Our house felt scary and dark, and I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry.  I couldn’t figure out why after seven days things would go so wrong.

   That morning, Darren and I both thought there would be no way that Tyler would make it over to the church for the conference.  We didn’t even try to wake him up.  However, he got up on his own and began getting ready to go.  When I sort of questioned him about it, there wasn’t even a moment of hesitation on his part – he was expected to be there, and he was going.

   We made it over there, a bit late, but there nonetheless.  When it was time, Tyler bore a beautiful testimony about the power of prayer and the reality of miracles.  He shared his favorite scripture – Mormon 9:15-21.  He thanked the youth for all the prayers on his behalf, and let them know that prayers are answered and when life is hard, Heavenly Father is always there to turn to.  I don’t think there was one dry eye in the room.  The Spirit was very strong in there, and I think the youth were very impacted by his testimony.  I know I was.

   As we visited with Becky Anderson and the Bishop after the meeting, and we shared what had happened the night before, we all felt like maybe the adversary was involved in the darkness the night before.  As we looked at the faces of the youth there listening, we knew that Satan did not want them to feel the Spirit, or hear that their Heavenly Father is there, ready to help them. 

   I’m not sure that the adversary has the power to make Tyler that sick, or if just the discouragement we all felt was from him, but I do know that I surely felt fear and discouragement.  During the conference, I felt hope, peace, love, and comfort.   I know I need to consciously choose to feel faith and hope.  If we let fear and discouragement into our life, we have nothing.  When I really think about it, why do we ever allow ourselves to let those feelings into our lives at all, for any reason?  They are completely counterproductive.

   A sweet friend sent me a card the other day with this quote from President Hinckley:

   “Faith is greater than ourselves.  It enables us to do what we have said we’ll do…to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid…to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.”

   From now on…I choose faith.

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