Archive for March, 2012

Purpose for Pain

I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts for the last few weeks on our family’s journey.  We have had a crazy few weeks and so many things have gone through my head.  We went to California a couple of weeks ago and it was pretty hard on Tyler.  Sad to say, we spent most of the weekend in our hotel with one sick Tyler.  We had tickets to Six Flags at Magic Mountain on Saturday, so drove up there from San Diego and after about four rides, Tyler was too sick to keep going.  Poor Tanner and Taylor had to leave after only a few rides.  They were awesome about it and did not complain at all.  I felt so bad, but there are lessons to be learned for them.  They will know compassion and patience that most people won’t learn until much later in their lives.
I had a total meltdown in the San Diego airport as we were trying to get through security.  I hadn’t shed one tear the whole week, but felt the pressure rising each day as he got sicker and sicker.  Finally, Tyler had to go find a chair in the airport and could not make it through the security line.  I went over to the Delta desk to see if someone could get him a wheelchair.  The sweet man who helped me (actually, the poor man), made the huge mistake of asking if “I” was going to be okay.  He was so sweet and I hate being shown compassion when I’m feeling so vulnerable.  I knew what was coming, and I totally lost my composure on this poor, sweet man.  He came running around the desk and gave me the biggest hug and told me he was going to go right back in the back room and pray for us.  Then a few other agents came and hugged me and cried with me.  Very embarrassing, but also very strengthening, knowing people everywhere want to help and are willing to pray for a complete stranger.
Tyler has been more nauseated than usual and has had quite a bit of abdominal and kidney pain.  It’s such a scary place to be.  I have probably given more foot and leg rubs than a professional massage therapist!  That seems to calm him down and help with the pain management and nausea.  We have changed a few meds and he has seemed to be a bit better the last two days.  What a relief!  We are hoping this can last!
The other night as he was hurting so bad in the middle of the night, I felt so helpless and frustrated.  I was thinking about what purpose pain and suffering have in this life.  I know so many feel pain, whether it be physical, emotional, or even spiritual.  I also do know that there are purposes to our pain, if we are willing to learn from them.  The next morning, I started looking up ‘purposes for pain and suffering”, just to help me understand this more.  I found an interesting quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the wife of Charles Lindbergh, the pilot whose baby was kidnapped and ultimately killed.  In looking back at her life, she wrote this:

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the
world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added
mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the
willingness to remain vulnerable. We will all suffer in one way or
another, but we need a certain
if our suffering is to teach us.

I hope that I can learn that perspective so that Tyler’s (and my) pain will not be in vain. We have a sweet sister in our ward who lost her battle with liver/pancreatic cancer yesterday, less than two months after her diagnosis.  Her work and her body here on this earth were just done.  It does make me wonder what Tyler needs to accomplish on this earth through this illness.  I know from blessings he has been given that the Lord has purposes to fulfill through him.  I hope as his family members, we can do what we’re expected to do to fulfill His purposes, as well.  Once again, I LOVE hearing that Tyler and our family are still in your prayers.  We do know that is why he does as well as he does.  By the way, he is in Las Vegas with Darren at work today, and I just got a picture texted to me of Tyler bowling!  I think that warm weather and sunshine is ‘just what the doctor ordered’!  Thanks for your part in our fight!


Belmont Park in San Diego with my boys!